In the wake of my mom’s passing, I am experiencing mixed emotions. The kind that sends me reflecting on the past, bringing me to the present and has me considering the future. Major events in life do this as does normal everyday life. We are a result of our daily mixed-up emotions. Saying goodbye is never easy.
Death whether expected or not weighs heavy on one’s heart. Particularly based on the significance that they have had in our lives. It’s the whole of the relationship that comes into focus. It can lend itself to grieving in all sorts of ways. Covid only compounds the situation, especially with the elderly who may be in an assisted living circumstance as was my mother.
My mother in her early years was a vibrant young mom, married at 17 and had her first child at 18. My parents moved with me to a university not too far away from their hometown where we all lived in married student housing. My mom tended to me and soon after my baby sister while my dad attended college. That was in the early 1960’s. It was their big break, and I would surmise, mine too. I was along for the ride. Life was busy and got busier when my dad got a job with one of the Big 8 accounting firms. We moved around a bit in NC and my mom found a church where she could meet others and get involved with outside activities, tending to our needs, while my dad was on the road most of the time creating a career and supporting the family.
Life was good as we knew it and so was she, until she wasn’t. It seemed as if it happened all in one day, yet I’m sure it was a series of years that led up to her fall. Mental illness back then was in its infancy stages of understanding how and what methods to treat patients who seem to be “off” emotionally. The major mood swings from high to low. The lack of energy. Even the storytelling that comes off a bit exaggerated. The recipe in the late 70’s was to treat the patient with what I will describe as second-generation antipsychotics. https://www.psychiatrypodcast.com/psychiatry-psychotherapy-podcast/antipsychotics-history-use-schizophrenia.
These medications came with a series of really bad side effects, often debilitating. So, I look at my mom’s life in two terms. The vibrant side and the other side. And while the other side was often challenging and constantly in flux, she in her heart of hearts would teach us how to be adaptable and agile in times of stress and even crisis. She taught us that kindness wins over arguments and blame. She taught us that material things while they can simplify life and create comfort, that they are indeed things and that the people are what’s important. She did teach us to go after our dreams, to rise above and not let others keep us from what we might want to pursue. Our mom’s greatest pleasure came from being with her children and that is what she got to do. We three siblings got to experience life with mom while she integrated in the very activities we subscribed to while raising our own kids. We were so fortunate to have her with us even when we all lived so far apart. She got to move from TN, then NC, to SC, IL, and end her time in TX. We are taking her home to her family roots in NC this weekend. To be back with the family with whom she started in this life journey of hers. WE are so blessed and thankful for her wisdom, her strength and her unconditional love.
Where would she be today if she had been a young girl in the 90’s with the much-improved antipsychotics designed for the human body in much different ways than in her time? We will not know. But that’s not the point. The point is we all live through troubling and unforeseen times. Whether you are the person it’s happening to or you are the one surrounded by a loved one experiencing mental illness or some other life complication, I’ll say that “We’ve come a long way baby” and more than that, it’s about how we embrace life and those around us day to day. It’s how we choose to see our situations and those of others. It’s our perspectives— the lens in which we view and make a thought, whether it be a judgement or nonjudgement. It’s a thought that impacts how we feel about the situation. It’s the interplay of these thoughts and feelings that create the decision or that next step we choose to take or not.
Mental health is a huge topic today as it impacts us in all sorts of ways. We are living with it in an unprecedented historical way with Covid and in the varying ways leaders across the world, the countries, and in each of our states navigate through the steps that feel right for them. But where does that leave us? Our loved ones? It leaves us reflecting and using our best judgement based on what we know. It leaves us seeking answers within or outside of ourselves. It leaves us considering our perspective —that lens in which we view the world. Are we hopeful, or are we fearful? Where we fall on this spectrum of fear or hope will definitely make an impact on how we feel and how we think and ultimately whether and how we take action.
I believe that we are brought into this world with a purpose to fulfill, no matter the obstacles in the way. I also believe that it’s an ever-winding journey that ultimately weaves itself together to form, if we allow ourselves to have the awareness, acceptance and take the action to move through doors that open and past doors that are closed, and to pursue our passion in life. The things that fill us up inside. By exploring and discovering life along the way as we attempt to gain our knowledge and capabilities. Then apply them in real life situations as jobs, hobbies and interests. So that we can bring these discovered gifts and talents to the forefront while all along building our legacy in life made up of our character and who we choose to be. Seizing life is a choice. We can certainly become lost, yet we can also be found.
I became a coach after a career in sales/sales management for a fortune 500 company, after becoming a spouse, mom and completing graduate school and raising my kids with lots of family and friend support. It was through my greatest loss, my marriage, that I sought a next career step. It was my journey with my loss and the gain of my mother’s examples, to continue to pursue my desire to support others to be their highest and best. It starts with mindset and developing a vision and ends with a live well lived.
Thank you, mom, for being my guiding light, forever and always!
In loving memory of my mom,
Beverly Alice Cochran Mitchell
August 6, 1944- March 21, 2021
Ann Franzese is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the founder of Journey to Success. She believes that all things are possible once you know how to maneuver your thoughts and emotional shifts by breaking through the blocks that impede self and progress, up- leveling your thinking to support big dreams and visioning a grand impact you can make on this world. Being open and courageous to go after it, day after day. And crafting a journey to success that brings discovery, exploration, happiness and fulfillment to self and those surrounding you. Learn more at www.journeytosuccess.me.
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