Every day we get up and every day we have a multitude of decisions to make. Why do we welcome some activities and avoid others? Well, that depends on who we are and what we may have experienced about said event, person, or situation.
The easy tasks tend to be no-brainers, yet the ones we put off, avoid, rationalize their complexity, and so on are the ones that strike a chord with us. Why is that? The answer can be simple and most often it has deeper levels.
Let’s walk through a hypothetical series of a discussion between a Coach and a Client to see how our minds process information, albeit we are all different.
The Coach: How can I help you today?
The Client: I am having trouble motivating myself.
The Coach: Tell me where you are right now, what’s top of mind?
The Client: I feel that I have a great sense of Thankfulness in my greater being, my purpose in life, yet I seem to get stuck on my own personal things especially when they don’t feel aligned to my greater self.
The Coach: What drives your work, meaning what is that greater purpose?
The Client: Being able to reach my own personal potential, the idea of self-actualization, what I’m capable of AND making a difference for others.
The Coach: Is there a particular example of when this shows up for you?
The Client: COVID has played a factor, it’s made it difficult for many people including myself. While I do feel thankful, it’s been easy to want to put off my own goals and efforts as I know it’s been hard on others too.
The Coach: Given what you know now, is there something you might do to lean into what you want more?
The Client: I do try to lean in yet, it seems I lose focus and move on to something else.
The Coach: What do you do to set yourself up for self-actualization?
The Client: I’ve been working on getting more comfortable leaning in as it’s not my normal go to.
The Coach: Are they compatible? Being Thankful and leaning into things that are more challenging?
The Coach: What’s the one thing you would like to do differently tomorrow that would help you make progress on this? Meaning that there is a process we call Zooming out and Zooming in. Zooming out to see your principals and beliefs. Zooming in to where you are right now. What will I do to feel differently right now?
The Client: Oh, I see, there is Long-Term and Short-Term impact which both connect to the alignment.
The Coach: Yes, however it seems you are leaving out the Trade Offs that flow to What are you willing to give up?
The Client: What do I need to keep, what do I need to let go!
The Coach: How could you summarize your takeaway?
The Client: I’m complicating it as there is no conflict. There is no conflict with Thankfulness. I couldn’t see how the immediate goals could be tied to my higher purpose. If I lean in, this is not creating conflict with my higher purpose. While it feels icky, the icky is simply moving outside where I feel comfortable and I have mixed it up with the idea that since it feels icky, that it must be conflicting, and I should not press forward. But that’s not true!
The Coach: What else would be helpful right now?
The Client: I should write down what just transpired so that I can look at the elements of the situations, put it into boxes so that I can have the reminders and become aware of when I’m getting in my own way. When I am creating the Circular Web.
The Coach: When we go deeper into a situation, we can make it more practical and actionable. We often stop because we cannot see a way out or a way forward or we rationalize the ick factor to not move forward. Life is about trial and error and letting go of many of the beliefs that we have saved that are no longer serving us today. Beliefs once designed to keep us safe around a particular situation like a conflicting argument, are now merely excuses that keep us from moving forward. We can learn adaptive skills for conflict resolution that don’t hold us back for instance. Or we can learn to see the layers of alignment evident in this case which are not truly conflicting yet compatible.
When you start to feel conflict internally, that’s been a cue that what you are telling yourself is not aligning with what you want to do. Remember, growth comes from change, the process of leaning into or stepping outside of what is today.
Where are you feeling misaligned, stuck? Who or what is holding you back from reaching your highest and best potential? Really going after who and what you can be? We have developed over time a series of protectors, accomplices to our own internal judge that likes to keep us playing smaller than what we are capable of. When we can identify the judge and the accomplices, we can deepen and identify our internal conflict. Then we can produce the FREEDOM to go after life.
The tip in the Client/Coach scenario above is about unbundling the “tie” to letting go. What are the tradeoffs? What am I willing to give up? What really matters to you? What do you want to do with it? (The behavioral tradeoffs? Ultimately, Clarity leads to Motivation leads to Forward Movement.
Ann Franzese is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the founder of Journey to Success. She believes that all things are possible once you know how to maneuver your thoughts and emotional shifts by breaking through the blocks that impede self and progress, up- leveling your thinking to support big dreams and visioning a grand impact you can make on this world. Being open and courageous to go after it, day after day. And crafting a journey to success that brings discovery, exploration, happiness and fulfillment to self and those surrounding you. Learn more at www.journeytosuccess.me.
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